August 04, 2015

It's so easy to pick up the ladies when you bring along a baby.

I thought I would blog like crazy once I was home with the baby. I mean, aren't naptimes good for that? Apparently staying home with a baby makes you kind of... boring. Go figure. I mean, I could give you a play by play of what goes on in Parker's diapers but I'm not sure I want to attract that kind of blog traffic.

The thing is, if you spend enough time with them babies are kind of interesting. Parker's two months old and terrific. Not only are we starting to understand each other more, but he's starting to be interactive without the inevitable back talk. It's great. He can also entertain himself for up to an hour at a time, just laying on the floor cooing away. And sometimes, if I'm very lucky, he'll even fall asleep down there. Glory, hallelujah. 

Babies are funny. They'd make excellent secret agents because they could withstand any interrogation. They'd just sleep through it all. You beat them on the back and they just fall asleep. It's like the most relaxing thing ever for them. Take them on the bumpiest road imaginable in the car or stroller and it's like chloroform. They're passed out and drooling before you know it. 

They can be little jerks, though. The other day Parker kept waking up from his nap every two minutes so eventually I pulled him out of his crib to try and lull him to sleep. Instead of falling asleep in my arms like a little angel, he gave me a big gummy smile and giggled. The only reason I didn't lock him in a cupboard is because he's so darn cute. And he has my gorgeous gums.

Babies seem to have the highest standards and like nothing is good enough for them. Not the floor, the bouncy chair, the play mat, the swing, or their crib. Other times, their standards are are so low that they're content to roll around in their own puke and poo stains up their backs. I wouldn't know, though, because Parker's potty trained and eats with a knife and fork but so I hear.

Sometimes I catch him giving my outfit a critical eye. It's hard deciding what to wear these days because nothing fits the way it used to. When he gives me that look it's like he knows I haven't worn pants that aren't stretchy in months. What a hypocrite. 

What's that? Stretchy pants? Just saying...

Parker and I are spending a lot of time at home just the two of us these days. I keep thinking I want to go for huge long walks, but then it's either too hot, too windy, or my ankles/knee/feet are bothering me. Seriously, my body feels like it's been running a half marathon without stretching. At least, I imagine that's what it feels like, having never actually done one.

Because my body's falling apart and making it harder to exercise (thanks, Parker) I've decided I should probably cut out carbs to lose the baby weight. I've heard that the high protein and low carb route is the way to go. Cut out all the carbs and the pounds just melt right off of you, much like your will to live. Parker and I are going to Victoria in three weeks and I really want to make sure that my extra 20 lbs is gone by then. In case you're wondering how that's going, cookies don't have carbs, right?

I bought some diapers off Varage Sale last week from another mom whose little guy is just a couple weeks older than Parker. In an effort to up my creepy factor and have more adult conversation during the work day, I sent her a message when I got home and asked if she wanted to get together for coffee or a walk sometime. No doubt she looked me up on Facebook to see if I'm a psychopath first, but she said yes and we're planning to get together tomorrow afternoon. My first foray into internet dating was a win! 


  1. I love the way you write, this is such an awesome post! Here is hoping your first foray into internet dating is a good thing. ;)

    1. Thanks, Jen! That means a lot.

      I'm a little nervous, but have decided to just go with it. How bad could it go, really?

  2. Babies should NOT be allowed to be critical of stretchy pants when that is all THEY wear.

    1. No kidding. And at least I'm not incontinent.

  3. Congrats on a potential Internet friend! What a fun story that would be about how you met. Glad things are going well in baby land :)

  4. Oooooh internet friend-dating! You'l have to update it on how it goes. And by that I mean I will be waiting for an update to make sure this woman didn't murder you.

    Is this going to be another year where you're not even in town when your b-day gift arrives? Sheesh. You gotta stop leaving town when I'm trying to mail you stuff.

  5. I need to know how the mom date went! I am so proud of you. I trembled a little just thinking about asking someone to hang out.

    I don't need to blog anymore because you described my life perfectly, from the interactive babies down to thinking about cutting down on carbs.


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