April 19, 2012

The odds.

Do you ever have just one of those mornings? You know the kind of I'm talking about.

One of those mornings where you're not still tired, exactly, when the alarm goes off but you have no desire to actually get out of bed. And then when you do get out bed and try to put your brand new pair of contacts in you realize that the left one hates you and isn't sitting right. And that you had that exact same problem last time you swapped out the old ones and now after fifteen minutes of poking your eyes you have to settle for a new right eye and an old left eye because you're officially out of leftys but still have a bonus righty left. And then you realize that the kettle's been boiled for a long time, ready for you to make tea and you've wasted most of your delightful breakfast and reading time poking yourself in the eye and being ROBBED by contacts companies that send you faulty contacts.

And then you pour your tea and remember that you're going to have a smoothie for breakfast instead of dry cereal because it's blood giving day and you need to pump up the iron so bring on the spinach! And then it takes about ten minutes for your magic bullet to register that, yes, in fact, that banana is supposed to get blended, and before you know if you only have five minutes to drink the thickest (and most delicious) smoothie and it's physically impossible to do so.

So after going overtime in the breakfast category you rush around getting dressed and CANNOT for the life of you find your pants, setting you back another couple of minutes when it turns out they were where you originally thought but are just camouflaged under more unfolded laundry. And then you straighten your hair like a speedy fiend and are incredibly, amazingly successful. Then the makeup. Then you do something weird with your eyeliner and it's like you're a four year old struggling to colour anywhere even close to the lines but don't have time to worry about it because it's 8:20.

And so you rush out the door, realizing you didn't actually get to drink that cup of tea you made and love, don't have a sandwich made, so you throw fruit and granola bars into your lunch bag like a crazy person, shuffling for the door, jumping into the car, and driving to work. Only to get to work to realize that somehow your commute is taking a million times longer this week than it did before and you're walking in the door right at 8:30, so glad that your boss isn't there to see you almost tardy, thinking to yourself how on crack you must have been to dream of getting ready on time and being able to swing by Tim Horton's on the way to work.

And of course you make it and are wearing clean clothes and your eyeliner doesn't look as ridiculous as you'd thought and you work with guys anyways so who will notice and HALLELUJAH there's office coffee and because you didn't have your morning tea you're going to have half a cup and it really is amazing and the nectar of the gods.

And as you're sitting there, bitching about your ridiculous morning but savouring your heavenly coffee in walk the people who get to boss you around declaring they brought toys. And those toys are marshmallow shooting bows and crossbows. And you get to be the first to play with them and it's the like office hunger games, shooting coworkers, enjoying the coffee coursing through your veins and are so thankful that the only thing flying through the air in this office is marshmallows not telephones and I guess that's a Thursday morning, folks.

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