April 18, 2012


It's a beautiful sunny afternoon. It's not as warm as it has been, though, and the wind is certainly picking up. Work has been painfully slow this week and I haven't walked to work once. I had a good workout at yoga last night, but I still have a lot of pent up energy that I think I might be able to direct creatively.

Oddly enough I've been looking at a fashion related blog and it's not drawing me into the depths of low self esteem and despair. I'll admit I'm a little disappointed that only model thin women are represented in it but I recognize that high fashion is targeted to the skinny. I'm curious, though, as to what a woman closer to my size might wear to be a contender in the high fashion realm. I have no interest in high pants or oddly placed zippers, I'm just genuinely curious. I'm also contemplating how odd I would look in some of those shoes combined my selection of work clothes. They seem to bridge the gap between sloppy and stylish. I'm seeing fashion as a creative outlet and halfheartedly wandered through the mall on my lunch break seeking realistic inspiration.

Last night I found that my knitting vigour was renewed. After a few weeks of no motivation I finally started getting excited to do new things last night. New, colourful things. Everything I'm working on right now is brown and I think it's bringing me down. I feel like my creative juices are flowing and, much as I want to create hot pink toques, I need to find a balance with my knitting and other creative outlets. Well, this blog is about as creative as my other outlets get and I think it's time to reach out just a little bit farther.

Maybe I'm still experiencing the high from reading a good book, but I have a desire to write. When I was younger I always thought that I was going to be a writer. Books were my truest friends and I wanted nothing more than to write my own. I do have quite the imagination, you know. My problem is a lack of motivation, a truly scattered brain, and the occasional starting point but nowhere to finish. I get an idea and think that it'd be fun to run with but I don't go much farther. I haven't written in many years but when I did I would only get so far before running out of steam.

Not counting the garbage I produced in elementary school, I've only ever finished one short story and that was for in grade nine. I remember being rather proud of it. I feel like I should try and dig it out to see if it really was as excellent as I thought. I think, though, that my real pride came from finishing something in a way that I found satisfactory. It's hard to find a satisfying ending and in school everything tended to peter off once the page limit was in place.

I feel like being creative leaves you open to more criticism. It's not just what you're physically presenting but what your brain is pouring out as its best. People actually get to see inside your brain and that makes you pretty vulnerable. At least that's how I've always perceived it. I think I need to let go of that and just give writing a try. I am not optimistic about the results but I think it will be a fun experiment. I'm hoping so anyway. You're probably thinking that blogging makes me vulnerable just as much as writing does, but I don't know. Have a conversation with me and you're bound to see some overlap in what I write and what I say because, I'll be honest, I am an expert at repeating myself, especially if what I'm saying I find interesting.

Even writing this I feel so absurdly open for criticism but, I think, it's time for a little audience interaction. I need some ideas. I want to try getting an outside idea and seeing how it grows into, hopefully, something a little bigger and a little better. We'll see if I can follow through with something like I never could before. I am, after all, a university graduate with countless papers to my name whether the subject matter interested me or not.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

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