December 20, 2016

At this rate I'll be naked by Friday.

I've been wearing the same jeans my entire pregnancy. I got them about nine months ago from the clearance section at Reitmans. I had to order them online to get them in my size, they were $15, and girlfriend style. I've never heard of girlfriend jeans before and haven't seen them since, so they might have been a short lived failed trend, but I'm telling you they were magical. They fit my postpartum mom bod like a dream and have been perfect with a belly band this entire pregnancy. I was looking forward to wearing them after baby was born, too. They are my body's version of travelling pants. So, when I got home from work on Friday and discovered two rips in the lower butt cheek region of my jeans I was unsurprisingly distraught.

I am 33 weeks pregnant. My maternity jeans from my last pregnancy are more snug than I care to admit, and I am not interested in spending a small fortune on maternity jeans that I will only wear sporadically for a few more weeks. I did the only reasonable thing to do and dragged my extremely pregnant self to Value Village on Sunday night where I went through the entire (tiny) maternity section and two sizes of non-maternity jeans. I was there for over an hour, tried on eight pairs of jeans, and left out of breath from all the bending over and with a gravy boat for my troubles. 

I had to go to Walmart on the way home, the other place where dreams go to die, and was there far longer than I planned on. On my way back to my car I noticed a lovely mustard yellow cardigan laying in the middle of the parking lot a couple spots away from my car. It was my lovely mustard yellow cardigan that I had thought was in the bottom of my purse. It had somehow liberated itself from my the bowels of my bag as I was walking into Walmart 45 minutes earlier. I'm not sure how it happened, because I hadn't been digging through my purse or anything as I was walking through the parking lot, but there it was. My runaway cardigan. Miraculously, it wasn't run over or trampled by the manic week before Christmas shoppers, so the story had a happy ending. I shoved it back in my purse and went home and ordered $300 worth of jeans online from Old Navy to make myself feel better.

When I left the office at the end of the day yesterday, I noticed a lone mitten laying in the middle of the alley I walk down to get to my car. My mitten. My handmade, run over and trampled mitten. My mitten that had been buried deep in my purse yesterday morning, which I was not even touching on my walk up to the office. I just don't understand. After a round in the washing machine the mitten will make a full recovery, and maybe its rebellious spirit will be quashed in the process.

My clothes are all abandoning me. At this rate, I'll be completely naked by Friday and not even know how it happened. Send blankets.


  1. This post had me cracking up! I can relate though, buying clothes while pregnant is a mean cruel joke!

    1. I can almost understand why maternity clothes used to be so ugly. Less options, just embrace the fact that you're huge and have no style.

  2. I'm not looking forward to the maternity jeans issue. I have the Bellaband (thanks again for the rec!) that I think will work for quite a while but I kind of want a real pair of maternity jeans just as a backup. It's hard when NOBODY sells maternity clothes in town and I'm forced to order online. I got two pairs from Ebay, one is my regular jeans but in maternity style, but I bought my regular size and apparently they size way down in maternity because if my hips grow even 1 millimeter bigger there's no way they'll fit. I might go ahead and resell them because the odds of them fitting when I'm 8-9 months pregnant are slim to none. The other pair is from H&M and I've been too afraid to try them on thus far. I've heard good things about Old Navy but none of their pants have ever fit me before so I'm skeptical they'll magically fit while I'm pregnant.

    What is up with all your clothes just jumping out of your purse!?

  3. I'm cracking up that your clothes are running away from you. How does that even happen? I wore one pair of maternity jeans my last month and a half because nothing else fit. Then I just downgraded to leggings. And then I bought a maternity dress on clearance at 38 weeks because I was about to set my maternity jeans on fire if I had to look at them one more time. You're in the homestretch!


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