March 03, 2013

You've found what you were looking for.

My blog is pretty big and popular. According to my reader stats, I'm HUGE in Russia. No big thing.

So, because my blog is so popular and internationally acclaimed, I now have meaningful stats. I mean, when you've been blogging for years like I have, you get successful and start popping up in Google searches. Like I said, no big thing.

The first time I saw that someone had found my blog by doing a search I was inwardly giddy. When I saw what search it was that led them to me, I was even more giddy: pointy object in my gum.

Winner. I would like my internet presence to be related to nasty, bloody trips to the dentist. But just wait, they get better.

"i'm not feeling well, running": Preach it, sister. Not sure about the punctuation there, but I'm sure we've all had times where we haven't felt well running. I know I have (clearly, I've blogged about in some way or another), but I think the important thing to take away from this search is that I basically have a running and fitness blog. When I'm done this post I plan on thinking hard about going to the gym.

"i'm scattered like a": Bag of marbles, is how that one ends. Story of my life, folks. I mean, if you've been a follower for a while you'll know what I'm talking about.

windy weather for ladies wearing dresses: Perv. Unless you're looking for advice on how to avoid that issue, in which case the answer is to wear a long coat and a slip. But, as I mentioned here, there's really no rescue aside from pants.

douglas street(person): While I highly doubt I was the intended subject of this search I'm flattered that anyone looking for Sir James Douglas would stop at my blog before hitting up Wikipedia. Or maybe they did and found me more entertaining. I never colonized anywhere and certainly don't have a street named after me, but maybe someday there will be an Anna Barbie Lane. I'm also alive, though, so I'm pretty sure my blog is way more entertaining than SJD's.

living in a basement: That's me! My biggest survival tip is to carry around a butterfly shaped fly swatter at all times. It's armour against any big uglies that might try to menace you. Kind of like the Canadian equivalent of a hand gun, except for different kinds of home intruders. It is also not going to save you against zombies, no matter how many taps you give.

me in eighties sweaters: I have no idea. I am a product of the eighties but I only say that to impress teenagers. I also wonder who searches themselves.

my cobbler wouldn't stretch my boots: My calves are fat, my boots are not, and they're now sitting in a box waiting for the internet to send me a buyer. My boots, not my calves. Maybe the person that searched this should join a support group with me where we only wear TOMS.

sounds that say "this is new and exciting": I could make a few sounds like that, if you wanted.

watching douglas street: Obviously you were typing me into your browser and it searched me instead, but I'm still flattered. You love me enough to type me in.

I should say that, as big as I am in Russia, I'm even bigger in the US and Canada. And that, my friends, is what it's all about. You, me, and pointy things in my gums. Thanks for being you.


  1. Russia?! Haha that's too funny. :)

  2. I'm big in Russia too! What do you know. They must love sarcastic brunettes who love to knit.

    A lot of people find my blog by googling something about Nick Carter or hipsters. Probably my favorite to date is when something searched "someone ugly, angry, and sleepy," and found me. I should be offended, but I'm way more entertained.

  3. Haha...this is hilarious. I love looking at the search terms people use to find my blog. I need to check that again...what do you use to check your stats? I have Stat Counter but I'm not in love with it...

  4. My most refered-to by searches posts are the one about laundry and the one about my new glasses. I always wonder how many pages people search through and how many links they click on after typing in their search critera. I always stop after the first half of the first page and normally only click on one or two links. Some people must have too much time on their hands.

  5. Hahah, searches are so funny. My most popular search is for Disney movies. I have only talked about Disney movies a handful of times. So weird.

    I'm big in Russia too! I wonder if people are really in Russia or if it's some weird technological error?!


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