Crying over boiled potatoes.

I have been busy. So utterly, agonizingly busy. This move has not been very easy, not that I ever expected it would be, but that doesn't mean it has been anything short of Hard.

The transition of moving to a new city, leaving our beautiful home, friends, church, and established routine and life is difficult. As is starting new jobs, no matter how much Karl and I both enjoy them. For me, in particular, not having worked full time in nearly three years makes it even more of an adjustment. Living in another person's home is also very difficult, even when they are incredibly accommodating. 

It's all just really hard. 

I've got a draft post from March 20 that was meant to be about our trip to Victoria and back before the big move. I got as far as the title before packing took me away. It hasn't slowed down since.

Getting into the new groove means that I'm up at 6 or 6:30 and do not stop until 8:30 or 9 at night. Get ready for work, get the kids ready, go to daycare, go to work, work, take an inconsistent lunch break, come home, make and eat supper, spend an hour with the kids, throw a load of laundry in, put the kids to bed, make lunches, then collapse on the couch for 44 minutes if I'm not too tired.

Our weekends have consisted of unpacking, a quick trip back to Regina for a wedding, or shopping for groceries and clothes. I realized after my first week of work that I needed to buy a new work wardrobe. This is not as fun as it sounds. It took me two Saturdays to feel like I finally have enough professional clothes to get me through a full week of wearing items that fit my large and in charge mom bod. The seasons have also changed here, and not only did I need to get summer clothes for the kids, but Parker can't wear pajamas all day every day anymore so he needed enough jeans to last between laundry days. I am haemorrhaging money.

Today Karl brought my attention to a large bag of potatoes in the pantry that was slowly starting to spoil. Thanks to extensive googling, I decided to brave new territory and boil then freeze them. We started the process as Molly went down for her nap and Parker was getting ready for his. Molly decided to wake up just as I was turning the potatoes on to boil. Calamity and miscommunication ensued, and the lid to the pot I was boiling didn't get put on and there wasn't enough water in it.

What I'd thought was going to be a 30-45 minute chore was suddenly taking over an hour and a half. I'd been planning to spend the remainder of naptime reading my book, having a snack, and enjoying some blissful, long sought after time to myself. Those plans were gone, and I stood in the kitchen and ugly cried over our mess of dishes and improperly cooked potatoes.

I didn't think I had many idols in my life until recently, and today in particular was like a large pink neon arrow pointing right at mine. My comfort, specifically time to myself and the order of my home are huge idols in my life. I do not feel calm and rested living in the state of chaos we live in. Our stuff is everywhere. I do not feel complete without my quiet time to myself every day, time that I used to spend reading or catching up on shows. I resent everything that gets in the way of those two things in my life. And, well, right now that's everything. 

Right now, life is busy. We don't have a great routine, we don't have much space of our own, and it feels like we sprint from moment to moment because there is so much to get done. But crying over boiled potatoes is not the way I should be living my life. I hate it when, in the middle of my grand pity party, I get told I'm wrong. 

What's the expression? Shape up or ship out? Part of me wishes we could ship back to the comfort of six months ago, but I know that's not our role right now. I'm also not moving provinces again if I can ever help it. So, if you need me, I'll be eating boiled freezer potatoes for the next few weeks, and figuring out how to better manage my time and change my expectations. I'll also be working on putting my comfort where it should be.