January 17, 2018

Does this mean I need to wear pants?

Last year was the year of the stay at home me. I didn't work for a single day (unless you count my failed craft show) and got paid to stay home with the kids. It was lovely but the real world hit and, while I don't necessarily have to work for us to survive, if we want to maintain our lifestyle or have any extra money I really do. I don't actually mind working. I enjoy getting out of the house, and I'm one of those horrendous mothers that actually needs time away from her children. It's good for them, good for me, and good for our bank account.

Because 2017 was such a chaotic year, I actually ended up sending Parker to the sitter's (aka a friend's house) for three hours a week. I didn't really realise it but I was dealing with some anxiety that was manifesting through some physical symptoms. As soon as I started taking Thursday mornings for Molly and I those symptoms pretty much went away. Parker is a sweet child, but he's two. I'm not at all blaming him for my anxiety, but it was easier to get on top of it when I had a break. We also live far away from our families and I never got a chance to have any time with just Molly. It was also, and still is, incredibly valuable for me to have a few hours to spend with just Molly, put her down for a nap, then hammer some stuff off my to-do list around the house. My only regret is that I didn't think to do it sooner.

I started looking for jobs in November with a goal of starting mid-January. I've been working in government for several years and their hiring process can take a while. I also wanted to find something part-time that would be a good fit for us and me. There wasn't a big rush for me to start working again, so I could explore my options. 

I applied for so many jobs and only heard back from one. It ended up being the only job I was really excited about. I interviewed right before Christmas and they offered me the job last week. It was posted as a part-time position (hurray!) but will actually be full-time. While waiting for their offer, my old office called to offer me some vacation coverage hours. I wasn't expecting to get the job and, with the new casual offer on the table, was kind of hoping they were a pass. I got the call last Tuesday, the day before Molly's birthday, that they wanted me. It's way too good of an opportunity to pass up so I accepted, then spent the whole afternoon crying about it.

I'm happy I've got an opportunity to fill the position, but sad because it means working 8-5 every day and I'm not emotionally ready to leave Molly. She still wakes up at night. A week ago she was still nursing four-five times a day. She's my teeny tiny baby and nowhere near as independent as Parker was at her age. She still doesn't crawl.

So guess how fun this last week has been? Sorry, Molly, but it's been an intensive week of night sleep training and day weaning. She's done okay at the weaning, but decided to be contrary and work on her first teeth. Guess how nights are going? It's okay, I'm just raising a little drug addict now. I figure we're all in for sleep training this week and if it still hasn't taken by the time I start work we'll just consider it a lost cause.

If you're judging me right now I'll stop you right there. Child number one was so. very. easy. Parker slept like a dream. When we sleep trained him it worked and that was that. I have always tried not to judge other moms, but I seriously thought that parents that said their kids wouldn't sleep train just weren't doing it right. There was a small amount of judgement there on my side. 

Not anymore. I can't believe how different my two kids are in pretty much every little thing. If having Baby Parker was an ego boost on my superior parenting skills, Molly and Toddler Parker have served to humble me so much.

So there you have it. Change number one of 2018 is that I start a new job on Monday. There are a lot of good things about starting work, but I think the hardest transition is going to be for me, not being able to wear sweatpants all day every day. Lord, beer me strength.


  1. You are amazing my friend!!!! I can only imagine how torn you must feel. But you are going to do great things and you will be better for those precious kiddos.

  2. Replies
    1. Mine are all too tight. Thanks, Christmas.

  3. Also, you are very brave for purposefully weaning and purposefully sleep training. I’m too week for such things.

    1. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And I need to have a fully functioning brain during the day.

  4. I went back to work last September. My youngest is "almost" sleeping through the night. I wish you much luck with the sleep training and all the coffee for the bad nights.

  5. I’m so happy for you for getting the job you wanted! And I don’t blame you for wanting some time alone with Molly. I would give a tooth for someone to watch Gracie a few hours a week. I think it would do wonders for my anxiety too, which has been off the charts lately.

    Good luck sleep training and weaning. Both are horrible. I weaned Gracie in July and I’m still a little traumatized from it, but she handled it better than I did. We barely had to sleep train Gracie, but suddenly we’ve had to get back to it this past month because she think it’s cool to scream for me all night. So basically I think you’re amazing for doing that while weaning and going back to work. Just one of those things at a time ruins my life.

  6. I'm so happy you got a job you're excited about! It will be awesome...except for the not wearing sweatpants thing.

  7. Wait, you sleep train!? Your kids are probably emotionally scarred now and will grow up with major abandonment issues thinking nobody loves them.

    HAAAAAHAHAHA. I kid, of course. Sleep training gets a huge thumbs up from me. We're about to enter phase 2 with Imogen - teaching her to go to sleep without a bottle being the very last thing we do before she hits the crib. Phase 3 will come in a few months - eliminating her middle of the night feeding if she hasn't dropped it on her own by then. (Please, God, let her drop it on her own.)

  8. The one thing having lots of kids has taught me is that having a bad sleeper doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. The people who say that just haven't had enough children and happened to get easy ones.


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