July 10, 2014

Stuck in a car with a serial killer

We had a BBQ at work today and for the first time ever I could eat almost everything. There were three different deserts that I could eat because one of the guys in the office brought paleo cookies AND cupcakes and someone else brought sweet potato cookies with no dairy in them. So right now I'm literally shovelling them into my face because she gave me the leftovers and can sweet potatoes really be classified as "junk"? They're made with coconut sugar and an orange glaze so don't even tell me that's not the equivalent of having a smoothie, okay?

I just made an iced coffee because it's sweltering summer now and Regina is trying to make up for the -67° it was four months ago. Adding the milk to iced coffee is one of my favourite things ever in the entire world. Watching it settle and float to the bottom, making all sorts of cool designs as it gets mixed in is like the new burning yule log for the summer.

At home in the promised land we don't have a lot of mosquitoes. Mosquitoes are something at home that punish you for deciding to go camping but they never come close to civilization because we've taught them better and they aren't welcome. Because Regina is essentially the armpit of Canada there are a million mosquitoes in my backyard alone. People keep saying that the summers are really nice here but it seems to me that we've gone from "don't go outside because you'll freeze to death" weather to "don't go outside because you'll be eaten alive and if that doesn't kill you WEST NILE."

I don't normally react to bug bites, but I had a bite on my leg last weekend that was the size of a baseball. It reminded me why I don't go camping. And now I don't go outside because nature is trying to kill me.

Driving to Bible study this weekend I had a horror movie experience. I was driving down the highway and the biggest mosquito I've ever seen was in the car with me. I could see it out of the corner of my eye and it was hovering near the passenger window. Then it went behind me. I had a "The serial killer is in the backseat!" moment while I tried to imagine getting another massive baseball-sized bug bite on my neck and then dying because the mosquito was so big it could drain me dry. And then I saw the other huge mosquito and I almost drove into a pole because that's a better way to go, I think, than letting the serial killer get you, right?

Anyway, I chose option b and eventually shooed them out the window. But it was close. And I felt like a hero. TLC will be airing my amazing survival story next summer.

I'm headed off to a gentle yoga class now. It's new, and I'm practically giddy. It's been over a month since I've made it to a class and all I want to do is do child's pose all day long. Because I need to go to a class to do child's pose and can't just do it on the floor at home. Gentle yoga sounds like the kind of yoga that involves a lot of hugs and lower back massages. And now gentle yoga is sounding a little creepy. As long as there are no serial killers.


  1. WEST NILE. There were a bunch of news alerts here earlier this week because some mosquitos in Columbus tested positive for West Nile, which was really comforting, but then again that's been happening every summer for the past few years. I was convinced I got it in North Carolina, when like you, I had a bite the size of a baseball on my foot. It was so swollen I couldn't even get a pair of sandals on. If there was one in my car I definitely would've swerved into a pole.

    Sweet potato cookies?? I'm intrigued.

  2. Mosquitoes are the WORST. We have a crap ton of them here too, because it's so damp and swampy all the time. Isaiah built us a front deck of sorts recently, and he's always wanting me to sit out there with him (well, the one day every other week it's not raining, anyway) and I'm constantly swatting them away. Next on my purchase list is a big fat Citronella candle. I've heard mixing water with tea tree oil and spraying it around keeps away bugs, too, but I haven't experimented with that one yet.

    I was pretty proud of myself yesterday...we were eating lunch at Subway and there was a big fat wasp on the window RIGHT next to me. I grabbed the empty chip bag, caught the bee, and released it outside, neither one of us worse for the wear. So basically I'm the bee hero.


 photo comments_zps824b3be6.jpg