December 22, 2011

Just in case I will leave my things packed so I can run away

As you probably already know, I've spent the past few months trying to be a grown up. In other words, Karl and I just bought a "grown up" car and I finally finished school and started looking for full time work. Also, I feel like everyone I know is getting ready to have kids, but that's something else entirely. Karl and I aren't that grown up yet.

You probably haven't been able to keep up with me and my constant moving around so I will keep you in the loop.

Finding a job is terrifying. I remember my first couple interviews ever and exactly what I wore. When I was sixteen it was a denim skirt and a Che Guevara shirt. I didn't get that one. When I was seventeen and got hired at Fairways it was cords and a t-shirt. I was so well dressed they hired me on the spot.

Now it's tights, and fancy shoes, and dresses, or dress pants and synthetic shirts and cardigans. Took me twenty two years, but I can dress the part now.

Last summer I tried to find a second part time job and sent out tons of resumes, had a few interviews, got fired from the one job that liked me (another story, full of prejudice and vomit) and ended with a lot of free time. That's always kind of discouraging. This past summer I just gave up on further employment and volunteered. It was much more gratifying and easier to balance with school. I also got to wear whatever I wanted which was a bonus.

Then began my starting four new jobs in five months and leaving four jobs in five months. Yes, a dark and embarrassing time for me, I will admit. I also left my volunteer position if you want to count that as well.

Finishing school is scary. After a brief couple weeks working for the census (just a short contract) I finished my school on an underwhelmingly simple note (geocaching) and got interviewed almost right away at two other jobs. I made it to second round interviews for both (woohoo!) and ended up getting the one I wanted: a research associate with a head hunter. I quit my bartending job. This new position sounded awesome and she promised me that I would make more money than anyone else I graduated with this year. It was exciting.

Search groups (head hunters) are kind of sketchy it turns out, or at least mine was. I try to behave with integrity when I can and sometimes to get information we had to be dishonest with people on the phone. Not such a big deal, but it's hard trying to convince people on the phone to give you their information without bending the truth. Also, it turns out I may not work the best with people that are self made, driven, type A personality that know what they want but don't always know how they want to get there.

I took my sanity and self respect and left to a job that allowed me to maintain my sanity but did little for my self esteem. Hello, deep fryer. Hello, grill. Hello, little children. Hello, receptionist position?

So I looked and looked and looked and applied to anything and everything that might possibly want me. My new job was trying to find a new job. And I got a job that pays better than the head hunter offered (and has benefits! I'm a grown up), seems to respect me as a person (they like that I'm educated), and, as it turns out, hasn't had a lot of time to train me yet. I was surprised that they wanted me out of everyone else. I guess being honest and exceptionally charming worked for me. Yes, I left my last few jobs because they weren't good for me (no, I didn't mention any crazy people), and no, I have zero intention of going to get my Masters.

So, I quit the census (technically, even though I'd run out of work), I quit the Fleet Club, I quit SGI, I quit City Centre Park, and I quit the BC Cancer Agency. I swear, no more quitting! All this happened from the end of July when I started the census to this past Friday, when I started my new job.

I spend a lot of time looking out the window onto Douglas Street and checking my email. It feels weird and wrong, but they said there'd be downtime and I'm not hiding my lack of anything to do.This is just a whole new working way of doing things for me.

I just checked in with my boss to make sure he's happy with me and he says he is so that's nice. Now I get to spend the rest of my day staring out the window, watching people talk on their cell phones while driving (Lincolns mostly), give each other the finger (also while driving and using their horns simultaneously), police cars park in the middle of the road for no discernible reason (doesn't just happen on Hillside apparently), and hope that I'll get to see a nice sunset over the empty car dealership.

Sometimes I feel really blessed that after a couple hard months starting in October I made it somewhere I feel good about. Again...

And yes, the title of this little note is applicable to how I was feeling. But not anymore.

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